Prepared Childbirth Class (strap in)

There are two ways to approach this. The first and probably most common, is to take the leisurely 6 week, 2 hour per week child birthing class, and the other option is the dive right in head first, hold your breath, only come up for air when your partner tells you that you are looking somewhat blue. Jay and I being the, “why spend 6 summer nights when you can do it all in one day” type of people decided on the latter of the two. As the woman at Isis Maternity recommended, we arrived, punctual (which is not like us at all), at 10 am on a gorgeous sunny July Sunday with two pillows and a large coffee with a shot of expresso (for Jeremy). Internet mumble jumble says pregnant women who drink lots of caffeine will have a baby with a small head. Which for some people, this unlikely fact may be incentive to only drink the blackest of the black. Before we could go in, my fisherman husband decided that the live worms he had in the backseat would probably be better off under the bark mulch of the landscaping. So off he went right to the front yard of the building and unloaded his worms. He bent down under the bushes to make sure the worms had a nice shady spot to burrow. Other people who were there for the class were walking by and looking at him and then at me and I just gave a polite smile.

Anyhow, Jay and I walk in, go right up to the desk, sign in and retrieve our free tote bag full of “free gifts and great offers.” Which may I say was just a bunch of marketing mumble jumble and the free gift; I am guessing the free gifts were the tote bag and the emery board. Emery board?? I suspect Jay will wait until I am fast asleep to file my nails down in an effort to save his arms from a lifetime of scars during Labor.

The class had begun and Becky who we’ve come to LOVE is the instructor. Anyone who can keep your attention for 7 hours straight is truly a talented person. The first thing we did is turn to the people to the left and introduce ourselves and learn about our new friends. We then have to go around the room and tell about our new friends. My new friend just happened to be an ultrasound technician who peeks at her baby almost weekly. But nevertheless, Tracy and Peter were very sweet and we became instant friends. To make a long story short, there were lots of posters and talking and learning. It was all pretty much old hat for me as I have two close friends who were able to tell me exactly what I am in for, (thanks ladies) but to my husband, I think he learned more yesterday than he did in his five years at Norwich. Words like epidural, episiotomy, forceps and the best one…vacuum extractor, were some of his new vocabulary. Yes and before we could take a break for lunch came the all too famous movie!! Turn the lights down kick back and let the show begin. Popcorn anyone? Ahhh yes. Watching another woman go through natural childbirth was a bit much for my guy. At one point I looked back to see him with his hand over his face and one eyeball peering through an opening between the webs of his fingers. He was less than impressed with the sight of this. After the movie had ended most of the other ladies in the room were wiping tears from their eyes because they just witnessed the miracle of birth and I was doing everything I could to not laugh at the sight of the terror on my husband’s face. So now with that under our belts they release us for lunch!! Oh yummy, our appetites were suppressed to say the least. After we got outside in the fresh air we were indeed hungry. 45 minutes and back to another 4 hours of class. We played with the birthing balls and that was great fun and the mom’s received massages and that was also great fun. And we learned all about the “intervention” type birthing and well that was not great fun but very informative. And finally we finished up the class and were free to go. I think we may owe a little money to the center as I think my husband may have left skid marks on the floor on the way out the door.